Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Day 20 - Bye, Bye Hair

It was time. It needed to happen. And yet, I still wasn't ready.  My hair had become a matted mess of deadness.  With every touch, another clump would come out.  I was afraid to wash it, comb it, lay down on it....  It was RIDICULOUS!  There was hair everywhere!!  I knew what came next and I didn't want it.
I've never thought of myself as a very fashion forward type person.  For most of my life, I was one step behind on what was hot, my hairstyle usually being a "not".  Then one day, my friend and stylist hit what I finally thought was a winning combination, style and color that I LOVED!  My hair became part of my persona, my identity.  The thought of losing it terrified me!
So, Sunday afternoon, I tried to "fix" what was left of my hair for what I knew would be the last time for awhile.  It was a mess.  Each handful of hair that would fall out was like a punch in the gut.  "You look like a monster," I thought to myself, "You're falling apart!"  It was time for a pity party!
I cried.  I was angry.  I was tired.  I was defeated.  I was annoyed.  I had wasted way too much energy worrying about hair!!!  Nothing I could do was going to stop this next phase, this stupid side effect!  Enough is enough!
Before going to bed, I texted my stylist, "we've got to do something about my hair...".  I then closed my eyes and prayed, asking God for some of that super-human strength I so badly needed.
Monday morning came quickly.  I opened my eyes, had my usual morning pit stop, and then started reading my devotions.  As I lay there, I realized that I was ready.  Ready to move beyond the dread of losing my hair.  Ready to move on to the next part of this journey.  I was at peace.
I walked into the salon, Mom and Dad with me, and sat calmly while my dear friend shaved my head.  With each buzz of the clippers, I almost felt stronger.  My hair was gone, and so was that nagging sense of worry.  I'm gonna be ok.  What's a little hair?!  I'm kicking cancer's butt!!  God gave me that super-human strength exactly when I needed it!  He gave me time to grieve and then helped me stand tall, victorious.  And know what?  No Wonder Woman undies needed!
Now I can ride in the car with the windows open without a care!  No more bed head.  Showers are faster.  The time it takes to get ready has been drastically cut.  No need to worry about hairspray!  And grey hair.... whats that?!  Maybe I should have shaved my head years ago!

The Faces of Chemo: Day 20
Can you spot which bald head is mine?

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