Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow and Back Again!

The last week of 2016, I found out that I was no longer responding to the oral chemo I had started in October, and that my cancer had spread. My body had puffed up like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man and I got to welcome in the New Year with yet another hospital stay. Treatment Plan A had been a bust. Plan B was a failure. Now we were onto Plan C. We immediately started IV chemo (Gem/Carbo)...

With IV chemo, we knew there was a pretty good chance that I'd end up losing my hair... again. Since I had been down that road before, I knew I could totally handle it.  It still sucked, because my hair had grown out so long and healthy from the last go-around and I was loving it. I knew it would come back, eventually. So, 3 weeks in, it started falling out and a month later I had a pretty good balding stripe right down the top of my head. It was time to shave it.

I decided that I wanted to share the experience with My Tribe (my friends and family). I wanted people to see that it really wasn't such a scary thing.  If I could do it, so could they.  I grabbed two of my besties, my wigs, and headed over to my friend's salon for the "big event".  I shared the whole thing live on Facebook (you can watch it HERE), and was overwhelmed by the amount of support I got from all of my people.

Notice the bald stripe leading to my bald patch?

Almost gone!

Celebrating with my besties the day after and sporting my pink wig.

And then... about three weeks later, my hair stopped falling out and started growing back!

Now I know what some of you might be saying, "What a waste! You made such a big deal about sharing getting your head shaved and it came right back! Why'd you even bother?"
Well, here's the thing, you never know how your body is going to react to chemo. Last time, I was Mr. Clean-bald just a few months in.  This time, my hair was thinning. I'd lose a handful of hair each time I ran a brush through it. I had a bald spot. Everything pointed to me being a chrome dome again soon.

Here's the other thing, I have very little control over what happens to my body anymore. Sometimes I don't even recognize myself.  Deciding WHEN to shave my head was me taking control of something. It was me showing that I was stronger than my circumstances (even if it was just hair). Not just that, but every time I would brush my hair and pull a fist full of hair out, it was a reminded that I was sick. Enough was enough.

Badass is BACK!!

Know what else? A kind of transformation took place.  I got my badassedness back! As she shaved my head and that thinning hair fell to the floor, I was becoming fierce. It was empowering.  It still is. I feel stronger.  Maybe not always physically or emotionally, but mentally, I'm stronger. I even go out now without a wig (something that I NEVER did the first time), and I'm owning my battle. Don't get me wrong, I still have lots of wigs, but they're just for fun! Accessories.

I'm not going to get too attached to my hair yet, because like I said, you never know... I've still got 4 months of chemo left. It's just all part of the adventure and I'm learning you've just gotta roll with it! It's totally worth it to me to step out of my comfort zone from time to time, if it means showing cancer who's boss!

Oh, and that Plan C chemo... it's doing the job! It's wreaking havoc on my body, but I'll take it because the tumors are shrinking and the cancer is being controlled!!

One more thing... I need to take a minute to thank my friend, Nona Pitts.  She's my stylist and owner of Salon 5150 in Brea, CA.  She has made her salon a safe place for me to feel beautiful and encouraged to try out hairstyles and crazy wigs. She works miracles on those wigs I bring in! Nona is so dear to me and I am grateful for her and her staff.  Thanks, Babe!

My Girl, Nona!

My Fight Song

This morning I shared a post on Facebook that read:

The Devil whispered in my ear,

“You’re not strong enough to withstand the storm.”

Today I whispered in the Devil’s ear,

“I am the storm.”

Reading that, I was reminded of how fierce I felt when I went through breast cancer the first time. I was going to battle.  We had a plan and I was going to make that cancer suffer before kicking it to the curb!  Oh what a different battle this time around.

The plan is vague. We’ll try this and that until it doesn’t work and then we’ll try something else. There have been side effects, set backs and treatment changes.  I’m a trooper and I’ll do what needs to be done, but today I realized something… I need my “fight” back! I had just sort of accepted this latest diagnosis as how things were gonna be until I get my miracle. Well, today I’ve decided that this cancer is going to suffer too! The boxing gloves are back on! I AM THE STORM.

That being said, I have a favor to ask. Many of you helped me create a playlist last time that I listened to throughout chemo and beyond. I loved that playlist. I found strength and comfort in those songs... my fight songs.  Well, I need a NEW fight song playlist!! That’s where YOU come in, My Battalion! Send me your songs! Help me get my fight back and keep it going until we get that miracle…until we have victory!

PS. No Taylor Swift allowed and we don’t need the obvious “Fight Song”.

Love you guys!! Keep prayin’ and watch the miracle!! 

October SUCKED!!

October 2nd, I ended up in the ER! On October 3rd, I was admitted into the hospital for 11 days. It took some time before I was able to post again...

October 19, 2016

Good Morning Battalion!! I have to admit that Facebook is still rather daunting, so I'm taking it slow. Again, I want to thank you all for hanging in there with me! I have felt your love and prayers... I can't tell you what it means to be cared for so fiercely. Thank you.

I saw Doc Onc for a post-hospital stay check up yesterday. The thing that was weighing on my mind the most were the results of the 3 surprise MRI's I had last week. Turns outs, those had been ordered before my latest adventure and weren't necessary (almost punched Doc in the face when he said that). Anyway, the MRI's were clear (necessary or not). I'm pretty sure I've had everything scanned that there is to be scanned... some things two or three times! Remind me to tell ya about them taking pics of my heart sometime...hint: they don't put you out for that and it involves a big tube down your throat! Don't wanna do that again!!

Anyway....good report from Doc. I'm on a different chemo now (a bazillion pills twice a day, 7 days on, 7 off). I'm also on cholesterol and blood pressure meds. Just in case that wasn't fun enough, I get to give myself blood thinner shots in my gut twice a day! No more strokes for this girl!!! Last but not least, I'll go over to the infusion center twice a week on my "on-weeks" for IV fluids and anti nausea meds (had my first session and ate lunch AND dinner and it stayed down!! SUCCESS!!

Well, I think you're caught up now. Oh, and thanks for praying Dave. He's feeling better and went back to work today.

Love you all!! Still fighting and STILL expecting my MIRACLE!!

November 1, 2016

It's hard to believe that it's been a month since "the strokes". I hadn't been feeling well which wasn't unusual, but this was different. I felt like crap. At some point that Saturday afternoon, the dogs had gotten out. I got up and ran to get Brendan's help. I tried to tell him what was happening, but the words wouldn't come out right. I'll never forget the look on his face as he tried to make sense of the noises coming out of my mouth. I think I got the words "dogs help dad" out. Not realizing what was going on, I just went and laid down while the guys wrangled the dogs.

Now, the next 15-16 hours are unclear. I remember waking up to paramedics and then waking up again in the ER. Apparently, I had gone in to go to the restroom around 5am and passed out. Mom came in, found me and yelled for Dave to call 911.

After who knows how long in the ER (not at the hospital I usually go to) struggling to talk, think or have the two match up, I was sent home. We called Doc Onc the next day and he checked me into the hospital right away. That ended up in an 11-day stay.

So what happened? I suffered a series of small strokes. Ends up I have a defect on one of my heart valves (most likely from chemo the last time) that was causing the problem. Terrific.

I'll admit, there were LOTS of tears while I was laying there in that hospital bed. As if cancer for a second time wasn't enough, now this? This wasn't WONDER-ful. How am I supposed to shine through this? Is this really part of the plan?

Here's the thing, a month later....I'm walking and talking. You wouldn't know by looking at me that I had stroked. The cancer is still there, we're just treating it differently now. Everything has changed but I'm still me. I'm still a fighter. I'm still thanking God for every breath and every opportunity to give Him the glory for all that He's done in my life. I've said it before... He's the same God today that carried me through my first battle and He's the same God that will carry me through this one.

So today, November 1st, I'm thankful for my story. I may not always like the way it's going, but I am thankful that I've been trusted with it. I'm going to continue to make the most of it and believe that we will see miracles happen. I WILL shine. I WILL be WONDER-ful again!

#30daysofthanks #30daysofgratitude #stupidcancer #watchthemiracle #wonderwoman

And then....

September 29, 2016

Update from Doc Onc:

Blood work - everything looks good. Everything is functioning like it should. MY TUMOR MARKERS ARE CONTINUING TO DROP!

CT Scan - the spots in my bones that they though could be cancer are going away. YAY!!

Doc and the radiologist are in disagreement over my liver. Radiologist thinks it's still inflamed. Doc compared it to the previous scan and said it's not and that my largest tumor is more defined. That means that before, the tumor was so close to the wall of my liver that it was hard to tell where it started. Now it's obvious...cuz it's shrinking!! Just to prove the radiologist wrong, we're gonna do another CT scn in 2 months instead of 3!

I got my usual 3 injections in my hiney (brought cupcake bandaids) and a BONUS flu shot! Human pincushion!

Nausea is still an issue. We've tried 5 different medications and none have done much good. We've also tried some alternative things with no success. I do have some good days and was actually feeling hungry the other day...my tummy even growled!

This is the point in my meds cycle that my vision/dizziness is at its worst. Just riding it out and hoping it will eventually work itself out.

I've got some new "side effects": numbness/tingling mostly in my hands, but it shows up in other spots too. I also have ringing in my ears. We're pretty sure this is ALL from the meds but just to be sure, we're scheduling and MRI on my spine to make sure we're not missing anything.

So, that's pretty good news!! The miracle is coming...just you wait and see!!

Thanks again for standing beside me and for all of the love and thoughts and prayers!! BIG HUGS to you ALL!!

“There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!”

Romans 5:3-5 MSG

August 5, 2016

Good morning Battalion!! Happy Friday!! I can't believe that it's already been a whole month since this new battle with cancer began. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. There are moments, although not many, that I almost forget about it but then I'm reminded, well shit...I really DO have cancer AGAIN. I struggle again with that feeling of being "damaged goods" and "defective" because I can't do as much. Here's the thing, I know that God is greater and has something bigger in store for me. Whatever I have to do, or not do, until he gets me there...so be it. Some miracles take time. Keep watching though 'cuz its coming!

I've got a date with Doc Onc today. We'll go over my latest set of labs and talk about my vision. I've been having issues with it. Seeing "stars" and blurred or double-ish vision. I went to the eye doc this week and my eyes look good and healthy (I am also getting my glasses corrected so that might help). Now to figure out, is it the meds, hormones, something else?? I'm praying that whatever it is, that its temporary and we can move on. I'm also getting two more Faslodex shots in my booty today (hence the new Wonder Woman undies).... You're going down, cancer!!

Hope you all have a FANTASTIC weekend!! Do something that makes your hearts happy!!

Keep on praying! Love you!

*****And then the side effects kept getting worse and more tests were done and then....

While I Was Away - Catching Up

Well folks, a LOT has happened since my last post! The easiest way to get ya caught up is to share some of my Facebook posts. Here ya go...

July 8, 2016

Well, shit. It looks like Wonder Woman is being put to the test again. I went to the doctor last week because I had been experiencing some abdominal pain. He immediately thought it was my gallbladder and sent me for an ultrasound...it wasn't my gallbladder. A CT/PET Scan and MRI later, it appears that I have cancer again, only this time it's in my liver, half of it to be exact. I'm going in for aliver biopsy tomorrow to confirm, but Doc Onc is pretty sure. We've got lots of tests and scans to do and Doc is already coming up with a plan of attack. For right now, I could use LOTS of prayer. Pray for me. Pray for Dave, Matthew, Brendan and the rest of my family. Pray for the Docs.

You guys, this sucks. And yes, I'm kinda pissed. There's one thing I am COMPLETELY CERTAIN about... GOD IS IN CONTROL. He's been so faithful before and he won't stop now. He has a plan and a purpose for me and another battle with cancer can't change that.

July 15, 2016

Happy Friday everyone!! Saw Doc Onc this morning and then took the rest of the day "off" for some R&R. Sorry if I left some of you hanging!!

Here's the lowdown...

It's the exact same cancer I had before, just now it's in my liver (metastatic breast cancer). I see that as a GOOD thing because we know I kicked it's butt before!

Because my cancer was/is HER2 positive - feeds off my hormones - they gave me a shot last week to put me into menopause and shut off my ovaries. Funny, I could've sworn I was already IN menopause (blood tests showed otherwise)!

The treatment we started last Friday is what we're going to stick with. Every 4 weeks I'll get a injection (2 shots) in my backside of a drug that is supposed to shut off the estrogen receptors in the cancer so it can't feed anymore.

We've also gotten approval for another drug (brand spankin' new) that interferes with the growth and spread of cancer cells in the body. We're just waiting for it to be shipped from the "special pharmacy". I'll take that for 3 weeks and then a week off (rinse and repeat). Some side effects with that one are low white blood cell count and anemia (low red blood cell count). I'll have regular blood tests to monitor that.

My blood tests showed that my kidneys are functioning great. My liver (although inflamed) is functioning. Some of my "levels" are high (cuz I have cancer) but not terribly high. This is good because it means we can use blood tests to monitor my PROGRESS (that's what I'm calling it) instead of constantly doing scans.

My bone scan came back clear except for a spot on my sternum. Doc thinks that may just be inflammation but we'll be keeping an eye on it. I'm praying and believing that by the next bone scan, that spot will be gone!!

I do have some discomfort and pain in my side and abdomen. Doc Onc says that if the tumors shrink, the pain should become less and less. I told him the tumors WILL shrink and the pain WILL go away. Until then, I have meds to manage the pain.

We're not talking "stage" or "time frame". I refuse to put those kinds of numbers on this. None of that matters. It's cancer and we're gonna fight it. That's all we need to know. I told Doc Onc that it won't be long before he's scratching his head in wonder because he's witnessing a miracle. God's gonna blow his mind!! Tee, hee!!

My next blood tests are in 2 weeks. Next appointment with Doc Onc and injections are on August 5th. In the meantime, I'm doing my normal things. I'll be working, although cutting back on my hours and shifts until my body has a chance to adjust to things. I'll be doing things that make my heart happy and spending time with people that feed my soul. I'll be resting lots too.

People, I have NO DOUBT that God has some BIG things planned. He proved that the last time and He hasn't changed! So get ready!!

BIG TIME LOVE to you all!! Thank for your your continued love, support and most importantly...PRAYERS!! Have a WONDERFUL weekend!!

#watchthemiracle #peacelikeariver #mygodisbigger #wonderwoman#wonderful2016 #lovemytribe #stupidcancer

One Year Later

This was me, May 1, 2013, at my very first chemo session.  One year later, I was able to go spend a fabulous, creative (cancer-free) weekend with some of my best girls – some of the same girls that helped get me through the last year!! Feeling so thankful and SO BLESSED!!

I went for my 3-month check up with Doc Onc on the 5^th.  He said that everything looked good. Had labs drawn.  I was complaining about feeling fatigued, so he checked my thyroid and iron levels – everything is normal.  Just going to have to make sure that I am getting plenty of rest, drinking plenty of water, eating right (ugh), and exercise.  I go in on the 16^th for my mammogram.  Piece of cake!

Coffee Break - Strong Enough to Face Giants?

Last month, I spoke at WACC’s Coffee Break and shared about my breast cancer journey.  Thanks to a tech-savvy friend, I have FINALLY figured out how to get the video up and running here on my blog! 
So pour yourself a cup of coffee, get comfy, and listen to my story.  I hope that you’ll be blessed because it was a blessing to be able to share!

All Clear!!

Well..........

Praise the Lord, THEY GOT IT ALL!!!! No more cancer in my cupcake!! We knew that I had responded well to chemo, but it was WAY better than we thought!! The tumor had shrunk down to a measly 1mm!!! My margins are clear (meaning no cancer cells were found at the outer edge of the tissue that was removed)! Dr. T was VERY happy with the results and I can't wait to see Doc Onc on the 4th to "celebrate" with him!! Bring on the radiation!!!

PS. I got a quick peek at Frankenboob's "scar". It wasn't too bad - one spot looked a bit chunky. Should look better by next week.

LAST CHEMO!!!

Suiting Up - Last Chemo!!!! 

I woke up this morning like a kid on Christmas morning, excited and WAY TOO EARLY.  I couldn't believe that the last 134 days had gone by so fast!  As I sat there reflecting on my journey so far, I began to cry (partly because I had been watching a 9/11 memorial).  I cried tears of joy, tears of gratitude, tears of relief, and tears of victory.
God is SO GOOD!!  All my strength comes from Him!  There is NO WAY that I could have gotten through this on my own.  He protected me and guarded me against so many of the side effects that come with chemo.  Sure I had some side effects (fatigue, hair loss, loss of taste, neuropathy, weak/tender nails, some joint pain...), but that's just because God probably didn't want to show off! LOL!  My Chemo Mixologist told me that many people aren't able to finish the full 12-weeks of Taxol chemo due to side effects.  I ♥ that I was a Star Student and that all in all, chemo really wasn't THAT bad - but I definitely don't want to ever have to do it again!Now to give my body a few weeks to rest as we plan my next step... surgery.  Not sure what that is going to look like.  I'm am praying that it's minimal.  A piece of cake!
Thank you again to all of you who have loved, supported, prayed for, thought of, fed, gifted, and encouraged me.  What a blessing you are to me and my guys!  I could never begin to repay what you have given me, so I'll just send you lots of love and thanks!!! YOU ROCK!!! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Chemo Fuel - Coconut-Greek Yogurt & Homemade Granola
and the button I had made to show my love for my Chemo Fairy

Ready to go!!

The Faces of Chemo: Day 134
I graduated!!!!!! No more chemo!!
My chemo squad: Russel (Chemo Mixologist),
Megan (Chemo Co-pilot), and Jamie (My Chemo Fairy).
Thanks gang, couldn't have done it without ya (REALLY)!
Not sure what I'm gonna do on Wednesdays now! Gonna miss ya!

Because THAT'S how we roll!! ♥ 

Made Cupcakes for Chemo!!

A little Chemo Graduation Celebration!

My Chemo Diploma!

Not gonna lie... THAT was scary!

The Faces of Chemo: Day 133
So... yesterday I noticed something "different" in my "good" boob. I had it checked when I went for labs and they ordered ANOTHER mammogram and ultrasound. Needless to say, I was a bit stressed. Any-who.... I went in this afternoon and.... it was NOTHING! Dense breast tissue!! Whew!! Oh, and they took a look at the "bad" boob and the mass is looking good (even smaller)! In fact, at certain angles it was actually hard to pick up in the ultrasound. Nice!! Final chemo tomorrow!!!!!!!! 

 The tech had never noticed the cute little robot face on the mammogram machine. Of course I saw it!

In the Home Stretch...

The Faces of Chemo: Day 128 - What, she's out on a Thursday?! Lunch with the Hubs.

 Day 129 - Just another Friday night.

Day 130 - Out with some of my Round Robin gals! Soooo good to see y'all!!! 

Day 131 - Ready for some football (I think!).

I'm not complaining but... my legs are sore this morning - from the knees up. Walkin' like a cowboy.

Balls of my feet are achy again today too. Also have some numb and tingly finger tips.

What a way to start the day! Happy Sunday, Cowpokes! 

 Day 132 - Strange day today. Praying for a peaceful and restful night sleep,

for fresh eyes in the morning and a new song in my heart.

SOOOOOOO CLOSE!!

 

The Faces of Chemo: Day 127
Chemo #11 of 12 with my Chemo Buddy, TC. SO CLOSE to being done!!!

 

OH SNAP Y'ALL...... I only have ONE MORE CHEMO TREATMENT!!!! That was FAST!!!!

 

 

 



August 31st - September 3rd

 The Faces of Chemo: Day 123 - Got outta bed for some football and BBQ.

 

 Day 124 - No, I didn't stay in bed ALL DAY!!!

 

Day 125 - Maybe I should've stayed in bed today!
Who rolls their ankle in their own living room?! I do.

 

Tried going out for a walk this AM - it's been awhile since I've done that. Didn't get far because the bottoms of my feet went a bit numb and tingley. Thankful for the little bit of exercise I did get AND I got to greet the sun. Happy Labor Day, y'all!

 

Later that day.....

Seriously??!!!! I just rolled my ankle walking over to sit on the couch - not but a second before sitting my butt down!!!

 

Day 126 - Sooooo..... Doc Onc couldn't feel the tumor today, as in he couldn't find it!! That sucker shrunk even MORE!! The current gameplan is... last chemo on 9/11 - about 4 weeks later, surgery (hopefully minimal) - about 4 weeks after that, start radiation (for 6 weeks). DONE! Adios cancer!! THANK YOU JESUS!!!! ♥

August 28th - 30th ♥

The Faces of Chemo: Day 120

Chemo 10 of 12 with my Chemo Buddy Cherie. Almost done!!

 

Day 121 - Too dang hot for hair today!

Sportin' my "Brave, Gutsy, Dangerous (For Him)" cuffs!
Get your cuffs here: Something to Celebrate.

 

Day 122 - Highs and lows, ups and downs. It didn't help that it was Florida HOT today!

 

Wish I could have gotten out for a walk. I'm missing out on a beautiful morning sky - I can see it peeking between the neighbors' houses. Guess for now, I'll be thankful for the peek and for rest.

 

 Side Note:

I've been wanting to give peanut butter a try, but I didn't want to just go full blown PB. When my pal TC delivered last night's delicious dinner, she also brought chocolate-peanut butter scones. Perfect opportunity for the PB Test! So, this morning's breakfast could have made for a GREAT day or an epic fail........ SUCCESS!!! The scones were YUMMY!!! A very mild PB flavor, but a great first step!!!!! Thanks TC!!!!

 

Rantings of a Crazy Chemo Brain

 

Day 118 - Back in Bed. Happy that I got to visit a bit with my favorite stalkers
Taffi and Patty at HCJH today (and hug on Mr. Winger, aka. "Cookie").

 

Wait for it... Wait for it...

 

Day 119 - Oh the crazy stuff I come up with!

• My hair has started growing back. It's crazy though, super-fine, blond (maybe grey) baby hair except for right down the middle of my head (it's darker and a bit stronger). Oh, and there are random hairs that are about a quarter of an inch longer than the others. This should be interesting!
• So, if that hair is growing back that means...... DANG IT!! I had to shave my  pits today!!! First time in months!!! It was only a few, random hairs, but still!!! I was hoping that maybe my body would decide that hair in "certain areas" wasn't really necessary and concentrate all it's energy on the top of my head, my eyebrows and my eyelashes!! For some reason it's put quite a bit of energy into my chin!! Ugh!! Oh, and I only just noticed today that I have basically no hair on my forearms - didn't get to fully appreciate that! Although, I've been told that there is a chance that my hair could fall out again by the end of chemo.  What exactly am I hoping for here...?
• HOT FLASHES SUCK!!! Enough said.
• If I have to take naps, then EVERYONE should have to nap too!! That way I'm not missing out on anything! Come on people, naps are fun!!
• I miss swimming.
• You'd think that after 18 chemo sessions and at least that many labs, that I wouldn't still have panic attacks that I forget to put my lidocaine cream on my alien port to numb it before they poke me. NOPE!
• I want chicken.
• Where'd my pinkie toenail go?

Bra-Vo

Day 116 - Got all artsy-fartsy with Christine Rose Elle at the Bra-Vo Art Bra Workshop!

Today I went to a Bra-Vo Art Bra Workshop.  It's a workshop where breast cancer survivors and champions get together to share their stories trough creating beautiful works of art with bras. The bras will be on display in various locations throughout Uptown Whittier during Breast Cancer Awareness Month (October) to increase breast cancer awareness and support the PIH Health Patricia L. Scheifly Breast Health Center.

My bra was inspired by this photo Christine had taken of me and by Isaiah 40:31,

 

"but those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.".

"With Brave Wings She Flies"

 

On October 5th, there will be the Bra-Vo Art Walk and reception. Sounds like it will be a great afternoon, so save the date!! For more info go to: http://pihhealth.org/bravo.