Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow and Back Again!

The last week of 2016, I found out that I was no longer responding to the oral chemo I had started in October, and that my cancer had spread. My body had puffed up like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man and I got to welcome in the New Year with yet another hospital stay. Treatment Plan A had been a bust. Plan B was a failure. Now we were onto Plan C. We immediately started IV chemo (Gem/Carbo)...

With IV chemo, we knew there was a pretty good chance that I'd end up losing my hair... again. Since I had been down that road before, I knew I could totally handle it.  It still sucked, because my hair had grown out so long and healthy from the last go-around and I was loving it. I knew it would come back, eventually. So, 3 weeks in, it started falling out and a month later I had a pretty good balding stripe right down the top of my head. It was time to shave it.

I decided that I wanted to share the experience with My Tribe (my friends and family). I wanted people to see that it really wasn't such a scary thing.  If I could do it, so could they.  I grabbed two of my besties, my wigs, and headed over to my friend's salon for the "big event".  I shared the whole thing live on Facebook (you can watch it HERE), and was overwhelmed by the amount of support I got from all of my people.

Notice the bald stripe leading to my bald patch?

Almost gone!

Celebrating with my besties the day after and sporting my pink wig.

And then... about three weeks later, my hair stopped falling out and started growing back!

Now I know what some of you might be saying, "What a waste! You made such a big deal about sharing getting your head shaved and it came right back! Why'd you even bother?"
Well, here's the thing, you never know how your body is going to react to chemo. Last time, I was Mr. Clean-bald just a few months in.  This time, my hair was thinning. I'd lose a handful of hair each time I ran a brush through it. I had a bald spot. Everything pointed to me being a chrome dome again soon.

Here's the other thing, I have very little control over what happens to my body anymore. Sometimes I don't even recognize myself.  Deciding WHEN to shave my head was me taking control of something. It was me showing that I was stronger than my circumstances (even if it was just hair). Not just that, but every time I would brush my hair and pull a fist full of hair out, it was a reminded that I was sick. Enough was enough.

Badass is BACK!!

Know what else? A kind of transformation took place.  I got my badassedness back! As she shaved my head and that thinning hair fell to the floor, I was becoming fierce. It was empowering.  It still is. I feel stronger.  Maybe not always physically or emotionally, but mentally, I'm stronger. I even go out now without a wig (something that I NEVER did the first time), and I'm owning my battle. Don't get me wrong, I still have lots of wigs, but they're just for fun! Accessories.

I'm not going to get too attached to my hair yet, because like I said, you never know... I've still got 4 months of chemo left. It's just all part of the adventure and I'm learning you've just gotta roll with it! It's totally worth it to me to step out of my comfort zone from time to time, if it means showing cancer who's boss!

Oh, and that Plan C chemo... it's doing the job! It's wreaking havoc on my body, but I'll take it because the tumors are shrinking and the cancer is being controlled!!

One more thing... I need to take a minute to thank my friend, Nona Pitts.  She's my stylist and owner of Salon 5150 in Brea, CA.  She has made her salon a safe place for me to feel beautiful and encouraged to try out hairstyles and crazy wigs. She works miracles on those wigs I bring in! Nona is so dear to me and I am grateful for her and her staff.  Thanks, Babe!

My Girl, Nona!

My Fight Song

This morning I shared a post on Facebook that read:

The Devil whispered in my ear,

“You’re not strong enough to withstand the storm.”

Today I whispered in the Devil’s ear,

“I am the storm.”

Reading that, I was reminded of how fierce I felt when I went through breast cancer the first time. I was going to battle.  We had a plan and I was going to make that cancer suffer before kicking it to the curb!  Oh what a different battle this time around.

The plan is vague. We’ll try this and that until it doesn’t work and then we’ll try something else. There have been side effects, set backs and treatment changes.  I’m a trooper and I’ll do what needs to be done, but today I realized something… I need my “fight” back! I had just sort of accepted this latest diagnosis as how things were gonna be until I get my miracle. Well, today I’ve decided that this cancer is going to suffer too! The boxing gloves are back on! I AM THE STORM.

That being said, I have a favor to ask. Many of you helped me create a playlist last time that I listened to throughout chemo and beyond. I loved that playlist. I found strength and comfort in those songs... my fight songs.  Well, I need a NEW fight song playlist!! That’s where YOU come in, My Battalion! Send me your songs! Help me get my fight back and keep it going until we get that miracle…until we have victory!

PS. No Taylor Swift allowed and we don’t need the obvious “Fight Song”.

Love you guys!! Keep prayin’ and watch the miracle!! 

October SUCKED!!

October 2nd, I ended up in the ER! On October 3rd, I was admitted into the hospital for 11 days. It took some time before I was able to post again...

October 19, 2016

Good Morning Battalion!! I have to admit that Facebook is still rather daunting, so I'm taking it slow. Again, I want to thank you all for hanging in there with me! I have felt your love and prayers... I can't tell you what it means to be cared for so fiercely. Thank you.

I saw Doc Onc for a post-hospital stay check up yesterday. The thing that was weighing on my mind the most were the results of the 3 surprise MRI's I had last week. Turns outs, those had been ordered before my latest adventure and weren't necessary (almost punched Doc in the face when he said that). Anyway, the MRI's were clear (necessary or not). I'm pretty sure I've had everything scanned that there is to be scanned... some things two or three times! Remind me to tell ya about them taking pics of my heart sometime...hint: they don't put you out for that and it involves a big tube down your throat! Don't wanna do that again!!

Anyway....good report from Doc. I'm on a different chemo now (a bazillion pills twice a day, 7 days on, 7 off). I'm also on cholesterol and blood pressure meds. Just in case that wasn't fun enough, I get to give myself blood thinner shots in my gut twice a day! No more strokes for this girl!!! Last but not least, I'll go over to the infusion center twice a week on my "on-weeks" for IV fluids and anti nausea meds (had my first session and ate lunch AND dinner and it stayed down!! SUCCESS!!

Well, I think you're caught up now. Oh, and thanks for praying Dave. He's feeling better and went back to work today.

Love you all!! Still fighting and STILL expecting my MIRACLE!!

November 1, 2016

It's hard to believe that it's been a month since "the strokes". I hadn't been feeling well which wasn't unusual, but this was different. I felt like crap. At some point that Saturday afternoon, the dogs had gotten out. I got up and ran to get Brendan's help. I tried to tell him what was happening, but the words wouldn't come out right. I'll never forget the look on his face as he tried to make sense of the noises coming out of my mouth. I think I got the words "dogs help dad" out. Not realizing what was going on, I just went and laid down while the guys wrangled the dogs.

Now, the next 15-16 hours are unclear. I remember waking up to paramedics and then waking up again in the ER. Apparently, I had gone in to go to the restroom around 5am and passed out. Mom came in, found me and yelled for Dave to call 911.

After who knows how long in the ER (not at the hospital I usually go to) struggling to talk, think or have the two match up, I was sent home. We called Doc Onc the next day and he checked me into the hospital right away. That ended up in an 11-day stay.

So what happened? I suffered a series of small strokes. Ends up I have a defect on one of my heart valves (most likely from chemo the last time) that was causing the problem. Terrific.

I'll admit, there were LOTS of tears while I was laying there in that hospital bed. As if cancer for a second time wasn't enough, now this? This wasn't WONDER-ful. How am I supposed to shine through this? Is this really part of the plan?

Here's the thing, a month later....I'm walking and talking. You wouldn't know by looking at me that I had stroked. The cancer is still there, we're just treating it differently now. Everything has changed but I'm still me. I'm still a fighter. I'm still thanking God for every breath and every opportunity to give Him the glory for all that He's done in my life. I've said it before... He's the same God today that carried me through my first battle and He's the same God that will carry me through this one.

So today, November 1st, I'm thankful for my story. I may not always like the way it's going, but I am thankful that I've been trusted with it. I'm going to continue to make the most of it and believe that we will see miracles happen. I WILL shine. I WILL be WONDER-ful again!

#30daysofthanks #30daysofgratitude #stupidcancer #watchthemiracle #wonderwoman

And then....

September 29, 2016

Update from Doc Onc:

Blood work - everything looks good. Everything is functioning like it should. MY TUMOR MARKERS ARE CONTINUING TO DROP!

CT Scan - the spots in my bones that they though could be cancer are going away. YAY!!

Doc and the radiologist are in disagreement over my liver. Radiologist thinks it's still inflamed. Doc compared it to the previous scan and said it's not and that my largest tumor is more defined. That means that before, the tumor was so close to the wall of my liver that it was hard to tell where it started. Now it's obvious...cuz it's shrinking!! Just to prove the radiologist wrong, we're gonna do another CT scn in 2 months instead of 3!

I got my usual 3 injections in my hiney (brought cupcake bandaids) and a BONUS flu shot! Human pincushion!

Nausea is still an issue. We've tried 5 different medications and none have done much good. We've also tried some alternative things with no success. I do have some good days and was actually feeling hungry the other day...my tummy even growled!

This is the point in my meds cycle that my vision/dizziness is at its worst. Just riding it out and hoping it will eventually work itself out.

I've got some new "side effects": numbness/tingling mostly in my hands, but it shows up in other spots too. I also have ringing in my ears. We're pretty sure this is ALL from the meds but just to be sure, we're scheduling and MRI on my spine to make sure we're not missing anything.

So, that's pretty good news!! The miracle is coming...just you wait and see!!

Thanks again for standing beside me and for all of the love and thoughts and prayers!! BIG HUGS to you ALL!!

“There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!”

Romans 5:3-5 MSG

August 5, 2016

Good morning Battalion!! Happy Friday!! I can't believe that it's already been a whole month since this new battle with cancer began. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. There are moments, although not many, that I almost forget about it but then I'm reminded, well shit...I really DO have cancer AGAIN. I struggle again with that feeling of being "damaged goods" and "defective" because I can't do as much. Here's the thing, I know that God is greater and has something bigger in store for me. Whatever I have to do, or not do, until he gets me there...so be it. Some miracles take time. Keep watching though 'cuz its coming!

I've got a date with Doc Onc today. We'll go over my latest set of labs and talk about my vision. I've been having issues with it. Seeing "stars" and blurred or double-ish vision. I went to the eye doc this week and my eyes look good and healthy (I am also getting my glasses corrected so that might help). Now to figure out, is it the meds, hormones, something else?? I'm praying that whatever it is, that its temporary and we can move on. I'm also getting two more Faslodex shots in my booty today (hence the new Wonder Woman undies).... You're going down, cancer!!

Hope you all have a FANTASTIC weekend!! Do something that makes your hearts happy!!

Keep on praying! Love you!

*****And then the side effects kept getting worse and more tests were done and then....

While I Was Away - Catching Up

Well folks, a LOT has happened since my last post! The easiest way to get ya caught up is to share some of my Facebook posts. Here ya go...

July 8, 2016

Well, shit. It looks like Wonder Woman is being put to the test again. I went to the doctor last week because I had been experiencing some abdominal pain. He immediately thought it was my gallbladder and sent me for an ultrasound...it wasn't my gallbladder. A CT/PET Scan and MRI later, it appears that I have cancer again, only this time it's in my liver, half of it to be exact. I'm going in for aliver biopsy tomorrow to confirm, but Doc Onc is pretty sure. We've got lots of tests and scans to do and Doc is already coming up with a plan of attack. For right now, I could use LOTS of prayer. Pray for me. Pray for Dave, Matthew, Brendan and the rest of my family. Pray for the Docs.

You guys, this sucks. And yes, I'm kinda pissed. There's one thing I am COMPLETELY CERTAIN about... GOD IS IN CONTROL. He's been so faithful before and he won't stop now. He has a plan and a purpose for me and another battle with cancer can't change that.

July 15, 2016

Happy Friday everyone!! Saw Doc Onc this morning and then took the rest of the day "off" for some R&R. Sorry if I left some of you hanging!!

Here's the lowdown...

It's the exact same cancer I had before, just now it's in my liver (metastatic breast cancer). I see that as a GOOD thing because we know I kicked it's butt before!

Because my cancer was/is HER2 positive - feeds off my hormones - they gave me a shot last week to put me into menopause and shut off my ovaries. Funny, I could've sworn I was already IN menopause (blood tests showed otherwise)!

The treatment we started last Friday is what we're going to stick with. Every 4 weeks I'll get a injection (2 shots) in my backside of a drug that is supposed to shut off the estrogen receptors in the cancer so it can't feed anymore.

We've also gotten approval for another drug (brand spankin' new) that interferes with the growth and spread of cancer cells in the body. We're just waiting for it to be shipped from the "special pharmacy". I'll take that for 3 weeks and then a week off (rinse and repeat). Some side effects with that one are low white blood cell count and anemia (low red blood cell count). I'll have regular blood tests to monitor that.

My blood tests showed that my kidneys are functioning great. My liver (although inflamed) is functioning. Some of my "levels" are high (cuz I have cancer) but not terribly high. This is good because it means we can use blood tests to monitor my PROGRESS (that's what I'm calling it) instead of constantly doing scans.

My bone scan came back clear except for a spot on my sternum. Doc thinks that may just be inflammation but we'll be keeping an eye on it. I'm praying and believing that by the next bone scan, that spot will be gone!!

I do have some discomfort and pain in my side and abdomen. Doc Onc says that if the tumors shrink, the pain should become less and less. I told him the tumors WILL shrink and the pain WILL go away. Until then, I have meds to manage the pain.

We're not talking "stage" or "time frame". I refuse to put those kinds of numbers on this. None of that matters. It's cancer and we're gonna fight it. That's all we need to know. I told Doc Onc that it won't be long before he's scratching his head in wonder because he's witnessing a miracle. God's gonna blow his mind!! Tee, hee!!

My next blood tests are in 2 weeks. Next appointment with Doc Onc and injections are on August 5th. In the meantime, I'm doing my normal things. I'll be working, although cutting back on my hours and shifts until my body has a chance to adjust to things. I'll be doing things that make my heart happy and spending time with people that feed my soul. I'll be resting lots too.

People, I have NO DOUBT that God has some BIG things planned. He proved that the last time and He hasn't changed! So get ready!!

BIG TIME LOVE to you all!! Thank for your your continued love, support and most importantly...PRAYERS!! Have a WONDERFUL weekend!!

#watchthemiracle #peacelikeariver #mygodisbigger #wonderwoman#wonderful2016 #lovemytribe #stupidcancer

The Beauty of Grace

God loves me even though I’m not Wonder Woman.

Sometimes the hardest person for me to show grace to is me.  I see my faults and shortcomings and I am so hard on myself. I don’t measure up. I’m un-loveable.

When I was going through treatment for breast cancer I was given the nickname “Wonder Woman”. I happily embraced that alter-ego because I knew that I needed super hero strength to beat my disease.  When that battle was won, the name stuck.  It wasn't long before being “Wonder Woman” began to weigh on me.  Without an evil villain to fight (cancer), I was left to wrestle with my everyday struggles.  I’m not so wonder-full sometimes.  I’m afraid that people might see the messy person under the star-spangled costume.

In the book, The Beauty of Grace by Dawn Camp, Angela Nazworth writes about our “mask and cape”.  We want to be strong and heroic, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, and sometimes in putting on that persona we lose sight of who we really are, who’s we are.  Angela says it so well,

“I pretend that I am capable of handling anything that comes my way…all by my little self. And sometimes I get so wrapped up into the role I inhabit that I do not even respond to my own name when it’s whispered by Him.”

It’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one who feels that way, hiding behind my mask.  But here’s the good news, God loves me even though I’m not Wonder Woman. He gives me grace, forgives me and delights in me.  He doesn't expect me to be super-human.  He just expects me to be his.

If you need some encouragement today, check out The Beauty of Grace.  It’s filled with soul-stirring stories about purpose, surrender, trust, lessons, hope, encouragement, and more from some of today’s popular bloggers/writers.

Easy Peasy Boobie Squeezy!

I had my “one-year after diagnosis” mammogram on May 16^th (one-year, give or take a few weeks).  Piece of cake, although I will admit that I was a tiny bit anxious but I’m guessing that’s normal.  It helps that at the Patricia L Scheifly Breast Health Center, they give you your results right away… no sitting at home and waiting!

I was able to sneak a picture of my mammo-pics (shhh…. don’t tell anyone).  The images on the top are of my first mammo last year with the cancer.  On the bottom are images of my cancer-free “cupcakes” now.  You can see that Frankenboob is a bit smaller after we got that stupid cancer out, but she’s doing great!!  All clear is what we like to hear!

Don’t forget to check your “cupcakes”, girls!! XOXO

One Year Later

This was me, May 1, 2013, at my very first chemo session.  One year later, I was able to go spend a fabulous, creative (cancer-free) weekend with some of my best girls – some of the same girls that helped get me through the last year!! Feeling so thankful and SO BLESSED!!

I went for my 3-month check up with Doc Onc on the 5^th.  He said that everything looked good. Had labs drawn.  I was complaining about feeling fatigued, so he checked my thyroid and iron levels – everything is normal.  Just going to have to make sure that I am getting plenty of rest, drinking plenty of water, eating right (ugh), and exercise.  I go in on the 16^th for my mammogram.  Piece of cake!

Coffee Break - Strong Enough to Face Giants?

Last month, I spoke at WACC’s Coffee Break and shared about my breast cancer journey.  Thanks to a tech-savvy friend, I have FINALLY figured out how to get the video up and running here on my blog! 
So pour yourself a cup of coffee, get comfy, and listen to my story.  I hope that you’ll be blessed because it was a blessing to be able to share!

SUPER!!

 

Wow. It was a year ago, April 5th, that I heard the words, "It's cancer". I know that in time, my biggest milestones won't be measured against my cancer journey, but right now I'm just so thankful that I'm sitting here full of the love I've received from friends and family, the strength that I've received from my Heavenly Father, and oh so grateful for victory over breast cancer. What a year!!

 

New Normal

Lately, my big question has been, “Now what?”.  Now that I am on the road to “normal”, what it that supposed to look like?  It can’t be the same as it was B.C. (before cancer).  My new normal should count for something, right?  And then I realized, God is stretching me. Calling me to go outside of the safe little bubble that home had become over the last year and share, in person – flesh and blood.  Share my testimony, my ideas, my talents… come out from behind the computer screen.

I had accepted an invitation to speak at Whittier Area Community Church on March 19^th and in preparing for that, I started to panic. Every time I would sit down to write out what I was going to say, I’d start to cry.  I would cry because I am still overwhelmed at all that God has done for me and His faithfulness through my breast cancer journey.  I worried that I wouldn’t be able to speak in front of everyone, that I would just sit there and cry like a baby (with that ugly cry-face).  It’s going to be a train wreck.

Next, I was asked to teach an art “class” at Madam Palooza in Murieta on April 12^th.  I’ve never taught an art class before.  I’ve never come up with an original project that I thought people would want to learn to make.  I accepted anyway.  I posted my class and quickly began to doubt. No one is going to want to take my class.  The other teachers have lots of people signed up for their classes already.  This is going to be an embarrassment.

Where was all of this coming from?  Worry?  Doubt?  Fear?  Insecurity?  God had given me victory over those things before – BIG TIME, so why wouldn’t He now?  It was not an accident that I was asked to speak and teach.  It wasn’t a mistake either.  I’m supposed to get out there.  I may cry, but I’m sharing God’s glory while I do.  I may only have one or two people sign up for my class, but I’m going to make it the best class for those two people.  This is my time to shine, to “be a light and bring out the God-colors in the world,” (Matthew 5:14-16).  It’s time to be bold and be brave.  Maybe that’s exactly what my new normal looks like.

Radiation Re-Cap and Stuff

Last week of radiation and I realized that I haven't updated my blog since I started! So, I'm just gonna add some of my posts from Facebook to get everything caught up!

 

 

December 6th
Early zap session the morning so I have go have a weekend with my girls!!!! Woo-hoo!! Have a great one, y'all!!!! — at Ruby L Golleher Oncology Center

December 9th

Anyone else movin' S.L.O.W. this morning? Maybe getting zapped this AM will recharge my battery... a girl can hope anyway!! Happy Monday!!! — at Ruby L Golleher Oncology Center.
Got a GREAT report from my radiation oncologist today!! He said that my skin is reacting to the radiation "way better than average" and that I am doing GREAT!! 18 sessions down and 17 more to go!! Over half-way done!!!!!!!

 

December 10 (From Jesus Calling)
 Make Me the focal point of your search for security. In your private thoughts, you are still trying to order your world so that it is predictable and feels safe. Not only is this an impossible goal, but it is also counterproductive to spiritual growth. When your private world feels unsteady and you grip My hand for support, you are living in conscious dependence on Me.
 Instead of yea...rning for a problem-free life, rejoice that trouble can highlight your awareness of My Presence. In the darkness of adversity, you are able to see more clearly the radiance of My Face. Accept the value of problems in this life, considering them pure joy. Remember that you have an eternity of trouble-free living awaiting you in heaven.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
—Isaiah 41:10
 Even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
—Psalm 139:10
 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds.
—James 1:2

December 12th

Computers were down this morning when I got here, but it looks like they got them up and running!! I'm just gonna hang out and wait to get zapped! Happy Thursday!!! — at Ruby L Golleher Oncology Center.

Still waiting, but my favorite zapper, Andrei, brought me a warm blanket to wrap up in while I wait.

 

They should really consider serving coffee and donuts here at radiation. Just sayin'......

December 16th
23rd radiation blast - DONE! 12 more to go. Starting to feel a little more fatigued than before, but nothing I can't handle and NOTHING like chemo fatigue!! Doc Y said that my skin looks so good that once I've recovered, you probably won't even be able to tell that I've had radiation. I like the sound of that!!

I met a sweet little lady this morning. She was there for her first session. I spoke with her daughter while she waited. They were both very nervous and the daughter cried a little. It felt good to be able to share with them and reassure them that the hard stuff was behind them. Looking forward to seeing her again tomorrow.

December 17th

Got to hug a super sweet lady today as she went in for her LAST zap! The joy in her smile was awesome!! Blessed to have been there!!

December 18th

Not the most convenient time of year for radiation fatigue to start setting in. Having a little trouble focusing on tasks and finishing them. The house is a mess. Need to get a few more decorations out of the garage. Shopping isn't done. Wanted to start doing some baking... Better add a few naps to that list. Oh well, I've still got a few more days to get things done!

And God was all, "Silly girl! Didn't I tell you that I'd give you what you need? Didn't we agree that you'd leave everything up to me? I haven't let you down yet, have I?"
And I was like, "I'm a dork and sometimes I need a little reminder. Thank you, loving and faithful Father."

 

December 20th
So, probably an over-share, but this is what I have seen every picture day (once a week) at radiation. At first I referred to it as "Frankenboob making shadow puppets" and then I started calling it "watching the sunrise" because as the panel would come up, it really was like watching the sun come up over the mountains! Just another one of my crazy observations!

Radiation Update: For the last 28 sessions, I've had full-breast radiation. They've been shooting photons into Frankenboob and into my armpit and lymph nodes from 3 different angles (photons go deeper into my body/tissue). One more session like that to go. Then probably on Tuesday, we'll start what they call "blast". I'll get zapped with photons from the back that are targeted at some more lymph nodes. They will also blast me with electrons (they only go just under the surface) that zero in on my incision site. This is to make sure that no microscopic villains got left behind when they were removing the bad stuff. We'll do it that way till Jan. 3rd. Sooooooo close to being DONE!!!!

December 21st (From Jesus Calling)
My plan for your life is unfolding before you. Sometimes the road you are traveling seems blocked, or it opens up so painfully slowly that you must hold yourself back. Then, when time is right, the way before you suddenly clears—through no effort of your own. What you have longed for and worked for I present to you freely, as pure gift. You feel awed by the ease with which I operate i...n the world, and you glimpse My Power and My Glory.
Do not fear your weakness, for it is the stage on which My Power and Glory perform most brilliantly. As you persevere along the path I have prepared for you, depending on My strength to sustain you, expect to see miracles—and you will. Miracles are not always visible to the naked eye, but those who live by faith can see them clearly. Living by faith, rather than sight, enables you to see My Glory.
I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory.
—Psalm 63:2
We live by faith, not by sight.
—2 Corinthians 5:7
Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?”
—John 11:40

December 23rd

Gettin' it done folks, gettin' it done!!! Got to pray with my little friend this morning. If you think of it, please say a prayer for her too, she is weak and in a lot of pain, but we know that God is good!!! Happy Monday! — at Ruby L Golleher Oncology Center.

December 24th
'Twas the day before Christmas and I'm getting zapped!!! Thank you for your prayers! My little friend looked great today! Slow down and be blessed!! — at Ruby L Golleher Oncology Center.

My nurses just LOVE me! They gave me a Christmas present.... orders to have labs drawn!! I think I'll wait til after Christmas to open that one!! Gee, thanks ladies!!

So.......... I might be having a bad hair day. Woo-hoo!!!! Finally!!!!!

 

December 25th

Feeling overwhelmed with gratitude as I sit here in the quiet of Christmas morning and reflect on the last year. God has been SO GOOD and I am so thankful for all of the love and support that has been showered upon me and my family. Thank you ALL for that gift!! We are truly blessed by YOU!!  

 

December 28th
It's 7:52 on this last Saturday morning of 2013, and I'm still sitting snuggled under the covers in my warm bed. I am thankful for two days off from radiation before hitting the home stretch of my last four treatments. I'm thankful for this quiet time to sit and reflect on the last year (and oh, what a year!), and to look forward to the new year. God's got something big in store, I just know it. ...I can feel it deep in my heart, way down in my core. Everything I've faced in 2013 wasn't for nothing. It was to prepare me for the amazing adventure ahead. I don't know what that is going to look like or even what that means, but I'm ready! I don't want to miss a single thing, a single moment, a single blessing, a single opportunity. Eyes wide open. Heart wide open. Arms wide open.

 

December 30th

Last Monday morning zap!!! Wow!! Time flies! Please pray for my little friend, she's experiencing terrible back pain and anxiety again and hasn't been able to sleep. I told her we'd be praying for her! Have a great day, y'all!! — at Ruby L Golleher Oncology Center.



Thanks!

So much to be thankful for!

Happy Thanksgiving,
from my family to yours!xoxo,
Julie

Radioactive!!

I started radiation this week.  Just wanted to post a little bit about my initial experience and thoughts.

 

On Nov. 1st, I had to go get "mapped out" for radiation. That basically means that they made a 3-D model of my boobs so they could "program" my radiation.  They laid me down, made marks on my chest with a red sharpie, put tape with a metal wire in it over the marks (and over my incision), ran me through a CAT scan, took pictures of my "girls" (I hope that wasn't his personal camera), and then gave me three dot tattoos (one on the outside of each cupcake, and one on my chest right between the girls).  Then it was up to Dr. K (my radiation oncologist) to make up a gameplan.

 

I went back in this last Monday (11/12), for a final test run.  This time they laid me down on the actual contraption where I would be getting the radiation.  There were more sharpie marks and graffiti added to my chest.  They used laser levels to line me up on the machine properly.  There I was, arms stretched out above my head, with green and red lasers criss-crossing my chest.  It looked like something from Mission Impossible and I half expected Tom Cruise to repel down from the ceiling over me - which would have REALLY upset me since I DO NOT like Mr. Cruise!  They ceiling by the way, has a beautiful mural of a lake surrounded by pine trees and snow covered mountains in the background.  It's nice, but the image makes you even colder while lying there exposed.  I would prefer a beach scene.  At least then I could pretend that I'm just there tanning!

 

So, once everything was lined up, they started taking x-rays of my chest (one can never have too many pictures)!  It's hard to explain, but Frankenboob was actually making shadow puppets during the process. I had to fight back the giggles - moving while on the treatment table is frowned upon.  I really do wish I could have gotten pictures of that though.  One more tattoo was added to Frankenboob and then I was all set to start treatment the next day.  Gotta admit, I was getting pretty nervous!

Now that I have my first session done, I can tell you that it wasn't bad!  It was painless and pretty quick.  The actual radiation part only took about 10 minutes. It took almost that long to get me on the table and everything lined up.  I was sure that after 35 of these zap-sessions, Frankenboob would glow in the dark but my mother in-law informs me that it will more than likely "sizzle" instead of glow (she's been through it, so she knows).  I was hoping for some kind of super power or fun party trick to come out of it, but I guess not.  It will be pretty unnerving if I start to detect the smell of bacon during treatment!

 

I've been told that I will probably experience fatigue towards the middle to end of my "therapy".  My skin will be sensitive one that side of my chest, back, underarm, side, shoulder and neck.  It could get a bit like a bad sunburn.  No deodorant or shaving that pit (yikes!! That could get ugly and I have to lay there with my arms above my head!?! Luckily, my head is turned slightly in the opposite direction!).  No perfume in that area.  Sensitive skin soap.  Pat the area dry.  No necklaces.  Lots of lotion (udder cream). They'd also like me to leave Frankenboob unbound as much a possible.  It's all about being kind and gentle to my skin during this process.  I'm sure it will all become part of my normal routine soon enough.

 

There you have it.  That's radiation so far.  #2 of 35 this afternoon. It's basically 5 zap-sessions a week for 7-weeks.  My last one is on January 2nd.  I'm kinda bummed because I was hoping to be done by New Year's, but holiday scheduling messed up that plan.  Oh well, onward!



Dr. T

I had my final surgical follow-up appointment with Dr. T on Nov.7th.
He gave me the "all clear" and was once again excited about how I've responded
to treatment and enthusiastic about my progress!  I'm pretty excited too!!
Thanks, Dr. T!! 

All Clear!!

Well..........

Praise the Lord, THEY GOT IT ALL!!!! No more cancer in my cupcake!! We knew that I had responded well to chemo, but it was WAY better than we thought!! The tumor had shrunk down to a measly 1mm!!! My margins are clear (meaning no cancer cells were found at the outer edge of the tissue that was removed)! Dr. T was VERY happy with the results and I can't wait to see Doc Onc on the 4th to "celebrate" with him!! Bring on the radiation!!!

PS. I got a quick peek at Frankenboob's "scar". It wasn't too bad - one spot looked a bit chunky. Should look better by next week.

Surgery

When I started this journey, this day seemed so far away. Hard to believe it's already here!

In the changing room at the Breast Health Center.
No make-up was a pre-op requirement, yikes!

 I checked into the surgery ward at 6am on Thursday, October 17th.  They led me to my little cubby, made sure everything was in order, then put me in a van and took me to the Breast Health Center.  There I had an ultrasound assisted wire-localization or needle-localization.  It only hurt a little during the first couple lidocaine injections; after that, I didn't feel a thing.  The radiologist used an ultrasound as a guide and insert two very thin wires into the breast in the area of my cancer.  They did this so my surgeon could use the wires as a guide to find and remove the tumor.  A blue dye was also injected into the area to locate the tissue to be removed.  Just in case that wasn't enough, the radiologist also put a big X-Men "X" on my boob to mark the spot! (Of course I had to have a picture!  No one had ever asked to have a picture taken - leave it to me!) Then, I went for a quick mammogram - yet another picture.  After that, my two sweet nurses rode back over to surgery with me and left me with hugs and well wishes.

It was time to change into my Bair-Paws gown (it hooks up to a hose that blows warm air into your gown to keep you snug as a bug), and wait for my surgeon, Dr. Thompson (Dr. T).  When he finally arrived, we discussed the game plan, he initialed my boob, and shortly after that they wheeled me into the OR.

So pretty!

Now honestly, I was only awake in the OR for a few minutes so it is through second-hand information (what Dr. T told my Hubs while I was knocked out) that I can tell you what happened next.  Here goes....

Dr. T "went in" and removed what was left of the tumor and some surrounding tissue as guided by the wires and blue dye. He then sent it pathology.  They x-rayed it and suggested that he remove just a bit more to be "safe".  So, that's what he did.  Then he stitched me back up.  At some point during my "nap" he also removed my alien port.  Next thing I know, I'm in recovery - groggy, with the shivers and a dry, sore throat.  I stayed there for a bit and the nurse gave me some kind of injection for the shivers (side effect of the gas they gave me), fed me ice chips, took my vitals, and put this fun band around my right wrist (don't know why, but it made me laugh).

I finally got wheeled back to my original cubby and waited for the Hubs and to be released.  Of course, they wanted me to eat something and "void" before they would let me go.  No prob!  Bring on the chicken noodle soup, crackers, and cranberry juice!!  I took care of business, got dressed and was on my way home!!!

There was very little pain.  The incision from my port hurt way more than Frankenboob.  "Frank" was all bandaged up, so I had no idea what was waiting for me under all the gauze.  At that point, I wasn't really sure if I wanted to know what was under there.  Sleep, sleep, and more sleep followed.

The morning after.

It's been almost a week since surgery and I'm doing pretty well.  There has been very little pain at all.  I took the bandages of but there is still tape over everything so it's hard to see any gore.  That will most likely be revealed tomorrow at my post-op visit.  I'm hoping that my pathology report will be back by then too. Can't wait to hear the words, "We got it all!".  Oh, the cultures from my labs before surgery revealed some kind of infection, so I've been on heavy duty antibiotics all week.  Looking forward to being done with those - they make me nauseous (something chemo didn't even do!).

On a side note (that term is both funny and ironic to me right now), I know it's too early to really tell and things will be changing over the next few months, but Dr. T was NOT kidding when he warned that my "headlights wouldn't be even".  Frankenboob is higher than her twin and has a wandering eye - looks to the right.  Oh well, I'm just glad she's still here and has her "eye"!

Well, that's about it.  Thanks again for all the prayers, support, flowers, and gifts!  Can't tell you how much you all mean to me!!  Up next: RADIATION!!