Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow and Back Again!

The last week of 2016, I found out that I was no longer responding to the oral chemo I had started in October, and that my cancer had spread. My body had puffed up like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man and I got to welcome in the New Year with yet another hospital stay. Treatment Plan A had been a bust. Plan B was a failure. Now we were onto Plan C. We immediately started IV chemo (Gem/Carbo)...

With IV chemo, we knew there was a pretty good chance that I'd end up losing my hair... again. Since I had been down that road before, I knew I could totally handle it.  It still sucked, because my hair had grown out so long and healthy from the last go-around and I was loving it. I knew it would come back, eventually. So, 3 weeks in, it started falling out and a month later I had a pretty good balding stripe right down the top of my head. It was time to shave it.

I decided that I wanted to share the experience with My Tribe (my friends and family). I wanted people to see that it really wasn't such a scary thing.  If I could do it, so could they.  I grabbed two of my besties, my wigs, and headed over to my friend's salon for the "big event".  I shared the whole thing live on Facebook (you can watch it HERE), and was overwhelmed by the amount of support I got from all of my people.

Notice the bald stripe leading to my bald patch?

Almost gone!

Celebrating with my besties the day after and sporting my pink wig.

And then... about three weeks later, my hair stopped falling out and started growing back!

Now I know what some of you might be saying, "What a waste! You made such a big deal about sharing getting your head shaved and it came right back! Why'd you even bother?"
Well, here's the thing, you never know how your body is going to react to chemo. Last time, I was Mr. Clean-bald just a few months in.  This time, my hair was thinning. I'd lose a handful of hair each time I ran a brush through it. I had a bald spot. Everything pointed to me being a chrome dome again soon.

Here's the other thing, I have very little control over what happens to my body anymore. Sometimes I don't even recognize myself.  Deciding WHEN to shave my head was me taking control of something. It was me showing that I was stronger than my circumstances (even if it was just hair). Not just that, but every time I would brush my hair and pull a fist full of hair out, it was a reminded that I was sick. Enough was enough.

Badass is BACK!!

Know what else? A kind of transformation took place.  I got my badassedness back! As she shaved my head and that thinning hair fell to the floor, I was becoming fierce. It was empowering.  It still is. I feel stronger.  Maybe not always physically or emotionally, but mentally, I'm stronger. I even go out now without a wig (something that I NEVER did the first time), and I'm owning my battle. Don't get me wrong, I still have lots of wigs, but they're just for fun! Accessories.

I'm not going to get too attached to my hair yet, because like I said, you never know... I've still got 4 months of chemo left. It's just all part of the adventure and I'm learning you've just gotta roll with it! It's totally worth it to me to step out of my comfort zone from time to time, if it means showing cancer who's boss!

Oh, and that Plan C chemo... it's doing the job! It's wreaking havoc on my body, but I'll take it because the tumors are shrinking and the cancer is being controlled!!

One more thing... I need to take a minute to thank my friend, Nona Pitts.  She's my stylist and owner of Salon 5150 in Brea, CA.  She has made her salon a safe place for me to feel beautiful and encouraged to try out hairstyles and crazy wigs. She works miracles on those wigs I bring in! Nona is so dear to me and I am grateful for her and her staff.  Thanks, Babe!

My Girl, Nona!

Happy Halloween!

So, I went over to Disneyland for a Halloween lunch with my pal, Angie.  I REALLY missed going to have the caprese sandwich at the Jolly Holiday Bakery Café while I was on chemo (the whole couldn't have "raw" food at a restaurant thing was rough)!  Anyway.... there we were enjoying a delicious lunch and watching people walk by in there Halloween costumes.  It was great!!  When we were finished with lunch,we decided to walk over to another part of the park and pick up some pumpkin beignets (oh yum!).  On our way there, we passed one of those places that does caricature portraits.  I had seen one of Frankenstein and thought that it would be fun to have one of myself as the Bride of Frankenstein (being that I call my now cancer-free boob, Frankenboob - I know, I'm strange).  So, as we came around the corner, there they were, Frankenstein and his Bride! I knew that I had to do it!

I sat down in the chair as directed by Richard, the artist.  He was studying my profile and asked if I could move my hair back so he could get a better view of my forehead.  I offered to just take my hair off.  He was a bit startled but I could also tell he was curious.  I pulled off my wig and he commented on how much easier it was going to be now that he could REALLY see ME.  There I sat, dome exposed as he began to sketch.  As I sat there, I slowly realized that people were starting to stop and look – at me and at my portrait.  Then I started to panic.  What had I done??!!! I had taken my wig off in the middle of Disneyland!! That was not something I had planned on doing when I got up this morning, but it was definitely happening!

Posing for my portrait (a re-enactment with my wig on)!

After I had been sitting there for awhile, a woman who I had noticed had been watching my "show", came and stood in front of me. She leaned down, smiled and said, "My mom used to have to wear a wig and she would complain about how itchy and uncomfortable it was," and as she spoke, she placed a small Disneyland bag in my lap.  "So, this is for you," she said with tears starting to fill her eyes, "because you look like you're a real fighter." Then she quickly turned and walked away.  I was near speechless!  I reached into the bag and pulled out a sweet, pink, sparkly Mickey Mouse pin!  A stranger, who didn't know me from Eve, stopped to buy a gift for and encourage me. Overwhelmed, now with tears in my eyes.

A special gift.

After that, I didn't much care that I was sitting there "exposed".  Somehow, that word had taken on a new meaning.  Maybe I hadn't been "exposed" at all.  Perhaps it was God's power and love and grace that has been working in me - healing me, changing me, giving me "fight", that had been exposed. I don't know, but I do know that I was just thankful for once again experiencing God's love in an unexpected place, through an unexpected person.  What a blessing!


Me as The Bride of Frankenstein

So, this is my portrait.  I'm not sure how much she actually looks like me, but Richard was definitely proud of his work!  Oh, and I also ran into my sweet friend, Tanya and her family while I was at Disneyland.  Yet another new blessing in my life!  I'm telling you people, God IS good!

Bra-Vo Art Walk 2013

They didn't have a "currently kicking butt" sash, so they gave me a "Survivor" one.

On Saturday, October 5th, I participated in the Bra-Vo Art Walk. Myself, as well as other breast cancer survivors, family members and caregivers expressed their courage, strength and hope over the past few months using a bra as their canvas. These bras were then "purchased" and displayed in various businesses in Uptown Whittier to support breast cancer survivors, increase awareness of breast cancer and raise funds for the PIH Health Patricia L. Scheifly Breast Health Center.  Saturday was the kick-off to the month long art show for Breast Cancer Awareness.

My bra, "With Brave Wings She Flies", is on display at Pour Le Bain (that's me with the owner, Marilin Brinegar).  My friend Christine's bra, "Pink Cupcake" (which she dedicated to me!) is on display at Mozart the Salon.

Goodies at Village Sweets!

More bras on display!

Bras will be on display all month long, so go check them out! You can find a map of all the locations here: Uptown Whittier Association.

Evening in Paris

with my pal, Sharon ♥

Attended the annual fund raiser for breast cancer awareness,
"Evening In Paris" at Paris In A Cup Tea Salon & Café.

Craft for a Cure

Christine, Karin and ME!

On September 28th, I spent a wonderful day at Craft for a Cure - "Sweet Sisterhood".  My uber talented friend, Denise Hahn (who's mom is now a 7-year breast cancer survivor), has for the last 6 years hosted a crafting event and donated all of the proceeds to Breast Cancer Research and Prevention.  Who knew that this year, I would end up being the guest of honor!

1. Our teacher, Karin, whipping up some "frosting", 2. Teah happily making cupcakes,
3. Cheryl and Terry goofing, 4. My faux cupcakes

We made Karin Smolinski's lovely plaster cupcakes, a little Fabric Collage dress by Denise Hahn, and a super fun charm project from Jennifer Priest of Hydrangea Hippo. The teachers and hostesses donated everything for the event so all of the money raised went to help support breast cancer research.  Thank you, Denise, for a special day!


Lunch was prepared by Andrea Villareal, and provided by Redlands Ford.

1. Cheryl making a charm, 2. My charms, 3. Cheryl's collage dress, 4. Christine hard at work.

Bra-Vo

Day 116 - Got all artsy-fartsy with Christine Rose Elle at the Bra-Vo Art Bra Workshop!

Today I went to a Bra-Vo Art Bra Workshop.  It's a workshop where breast cancer survivors and champions get together to share their stories trough creating beautiful works of art with bras. The bras will be on display in various locations throughout Uptown Whittier during Breast Cancer Awareness Month (October) to increase breast cancer awareness and support the PIH Health Patricia L. Scheifly Breast Health Center.

My bra was inspired by this photo Christine had taken of me and by Isaiah 40:31,

 

"but those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.".

"With Brave Wings She Flies"

 

On October 5th, there will be the Bra-Vo Art Walk and reception. Sounds like it will be a great afternoon, so save the date!! For more info go to: http://pihhealth.org/bravo.

REGISTRATION IS OPEN!!!!

Brave

Thank you, Christine! ♥

Strength through Beauty

 

The Faces of Chemo: Day 94 - Thank you for making me feel like a girly girl, Christine! 

I have never been a fan of getting my picture taken.  I can pretty much ALWAYS find fault in any picture of myself.  I knew that when I decided to start my "Faces of Chemo" photo-journal, it wasn't going to be easy.  Posting a picture of myself everyday would be anything BUT comfortable, but I figured that these pictures weren't meant to be pretty.  What you see is what you get.  I would have good days and bad days (thank you, Jesus that the good have far outweighed the bad!).  This is my journey.

So, when my SUPER SWEET photog, writer-blogger, artist, fashion stylist, well-being passionista friend (whew!), Christine Rose Elle asked if she could do a photo shoot with me, I was excited and well, pretty darn nervous!  I mean, these pictures are supposed to be pretty!  Posing for pictures is awkward and uncomfortable enough, but wigs, bald head, sparse eyebrows and lashes, alien port and scar... How was I going to pull that off?!!  Then it hit me....

This was going to be another opportunity to share my journey.
This was another chance to shine.
Another chance to show cancer who is boss!

Christine was wonderful.  She made sure I was comfortable long before the actual day of the shoot.  I had seen some of the portraits she had taken before, so I knew that she did beautiful work and I could totally trust her. Plus, I just LOVE HER, so I knew that everything was going to be fine.

Morning of the shoot, I woke up, ate breakfast, showered, got dressed, moisturized, gathered my wigs and a few other things and headed out the door.  I took my friend Cherie along for extra moral support too (a little extra couldn't hurt).  I'll admit that I was a little nervous on the drive out, but once we were met by Christine's smiling face, those nerves started to melt away.

 

 
We went upstairs and after a little chit-chat, the fun began!  Christine helped me pick out some pieces from her beautiful wardrobe collection and applied my make-up AND EYELASHES (woo-hoo!!).  I put on the first outfit and my wig and tried to think pretty thoughts.  Christine gave instruction how to sit, where to put my hands and arms, how to hold my head, chin out and down... it was a bit awkward at first.  A few more outfits and poses and it was time to expose the dome and take some bald shots.  Christine dressed me up in a beautiful dress and bling to match.  I wasn't sure how pretty I felt, but I did somehow feel strong, free, empowered. After that, the rest of the shoot was easier, I was more confident - that and we saved my favorite outfits for last.
 

The shoot was over and I had no idea how any of the pictures would turn out.
What I did know was that I was SO THANKFUL for the experience.
I got to play dress up and be a girly girl!
Whether I actually looked it or not, Christine had made me FEEL BEAUTIFUL
and that was something that I hadn't really felt since my hair fell out.

 

Later that afternoon, some of the photos arrived in my inbox.  Blown away.  I couldn't believe that was me in those pictures.  Still can't.  Honestly, Christine has a magic camera.  She's pretty magical herself.  How she did it I'm not sure, but cancer schmancer, I LOOK GOOD!!  And when I start feeling low or I’m having a bad day or chemo is kicking my butt, all I have to do is look at those pictures and I am reminded that I AM strong and I CAN shine through this.

  

 

 

  

  

 

 

 

Thank you Christine, for empowering me through beauty and allowing

me to share your talents as I share my journey! Love ya, Sweets!! xoxo