Lately, my big question has been, “Now what?”. Now that I am on the road to “normal”, what it that supposed to look like? It can’t be the same as it was B.C. (before cancer). My new normal should count for something, right? And then I realized, God is stretching me. Calling me to go outside of the safe little bubble that home had become over the last year and share, in person – flesh and blood. Share my testimony, my ideas, my talents… come out from behind the computer screen.
I had accepted an invitation to speak at Whittier Area Community Church on March 19th and in preparing for that, I started to panic. Every time I would sit down to write out what I was going to say, I’d start to cry. I would cry because I am still overwhelmed at all that God has done for me and His faithfulness through my breast cancer journey. I worried that I wouldn’t be able to speak in front of everyone, that I would just sit there and cry like a baby (with that ugly cry-face). It’s going to be a train wreck.
Next, I was asked to teach an art “class” at Madam Palooza in Murieta on April 12th. I’ve never taught an art class before. I’ve never come up with an original project that I thought people would want to learn to make. I accepted anyway. I posted my class and quickly began to doubt. No one is going to want to take my class. The other teachers have lots of people signed up for their classes already. This is going to be an embarrassment.
Where was all of this coming from? Worry? Doubt? Fear? Insecurity? God had given me victory over those things before – BIG TIME, so why wouldn’t He now? It was not an accident that I was asked to speak and teach. It wasn’t a mistake either. I’m supposed to get out there. I may cry, but I’m sharing God’s glory while I do. I may only have one or two people sign up for my class, but I’m going to make it the best class for those two people. This is my time to shine, to “be a light and bring out the God-colors in the world,” (Matthew 5:14-16). It’s time to be bold and be brave. Maybe that’s exactly what my new normal looks like.