Lately, my big
question has been, “Now what?”. Now that
I am on the road to “normal”, what it that supposed to look like? It can’t be the same as it was B.C. (before
cancer). My new normal should count for
something, right? And then I realized,
God is stretching me. Calling me to go outside of the safe little bubble that
home had become over the last year and share, in person – flesh and blood. Share my testimony, my ideas, my talents… come
out from behind the computer screen.
I had accepted an
invitation to speak at Whittier Area Community Church on March 19th and
in preparing for that, I started to panic. Every time I would sit down to write
out what I was going to say, I’d start to cry. I would cry because I am still overwhelmed at
all that God has done for me and His faithfulness through my breast cancer
journey. I worried that I wouldn’t be
able to speak in front of everyone, that I would just sit there and cry like a
baby (with that ugly cry-face). It’s
going to be a train wreck.
Next, I was asked
to teach an art “class” at Madam Palooza in Murieta on April 12th. I’ve never taught an art class before. I’ve never come up with an original project
that I thought people would want to learn to make. I accepted anyway. I posted my class and quickly began to doubt.
No one is going to want to take my class.
The other teachers have lots of people signed up for their classes
already. This is going to be an
embarrassment.
Where was all of
this coming from? Worry? Doubt?
Fear? Insecurity? God had given me victory over those things
before – BIG TIME, so why wouldn’t He now?
It was not an accident that I was asked to speak and teach. It wasn’t a mistake either. I’m supposed to get out there. I may cry, but I’m sharing God’s glory while I
do. I may only have one or two people
sign up for my class, but I’m going to make it the best class for those two
people. This is my time to shine, to “be
a light and bring out the God-colors in the world,” (Matthew 5:14-16). It’s time to be bold and be brave. Maybe that’s exactly what my new normal looks
like.