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| Day 57 - Chemo #1 of 12! Knocked out from the mega-dose of Benadryl they gave me! |
It's been about 129 days since I found my lump, 81 days since I got my cancer diagnosis, and 57 days since I started chemo. Wow!! Not exactly how I thought I'd spend my Spring & Summer!!
It feels strange knowing that I've got my first and hardest chemo done and in the books. I'm glad it's over, but I feel like the last 56 days were a total wash! I mean, I know that as far as kicking caner's ass goes, we've been getting things done (thank you, Jesus that tumor is vanishing). As far as life goes, it's been a total blur! The first four weeks of the Red Chemo (Adriamycin/Cytoxan) were pretty emotionally draining, not mention physically. Losing what I thought was part of my identity (my hair) and watching my body change (weight loss) were both harder than I expected. Once I got through that it wasn't so bad, although it's still weird to sometimes catch a glance of this stranger looking back at me in the mirror. If it weren't for the bald head and the fatigue, I might for a second actually forget that I have cancer!
I am so thankful that God has spared me from so many of the yucky side effects associated with chemo. Although I would have liked to have had more energy, God has given it to me exactly when I needed it the most (for Brendan's 8th grade banquet, Mother's Day, Brendan's graduation, Matthew's birthday party, and for countless doctors' appointments, labs, and chemo).
The list of side effects for this new chemo (Taxol) is short in comparison to the last one. I'm going to hold on to the hope that God will prove faithful, yet again, and I will sail through the next 12-weeks victoriously, with strength and grace. I'm told that I may start feeling half-way normal at some point and that my hair may start growing back (temporarily). The leg and pit hairs can take their time returning, please!
The support of family, friends, acquaintances, and even strangers has been overwhelming! I am grateful to everyone who is sticking by me through this and letting me be silly, ugly, poopy, strong, weak, sometimes gross, tired, quiet... Not sure how I would get through this without a forum to share open and honestly. ♥
My faith in my Savior, Jesus Christ, is and has been my "not so secret" weapon. Throughout this journey, I have gotten to grow closer to and spend more time seeking Him. I've never needed to ask "why me," because I know there is a plan bigger than me unfolding. God has shown himself to be faithful and powerful, and oh, so real. I will continue to cling to Him and his promises!
Well, that's all I can manage for now. I'll try to check back in soon!
I'd like to say a special "THANK YOU!" to my Mom and Dad. I can't say enough how much it has meant to have them here! I know that our over cramped house isn't the most comfortable place for 6 people and 3 dogs, but thanks to the whole family for making the most of the situation. Mom and Dad (and Buddy) are heading North on Friday to go back home and I'm gonna miss!! Thanks for EVERYTHING and I LOVE YOU LOTS!!!!! ♥
